Trauma
by annieb
Summary: GS Will they help each other through?
1. Ch 1

**Trauma**

Don't own CSI

Please feedback

**Chapter 1**

Sara sidle was pissed off. Some idiot had backed into her car, and the mechanic said it wouldn't be ready for two days. She needed a ride to work.

"Let's see, it's Nick's day off and Catherine asked to be put 'on call' because of Lindsey's having the 'flu, so that leaves Warrick and," she gulped," Grissom."

She tried Warrick's cell, pager, and home numbers several times with no luck. "Damn!" she thought.

Gil Grissom answered on the second ring.

"Grissom!" he barked into the phone.

"Uh…hi. Uh… this is Sara, could I catch a ride tonight?"

As soon as he heard her voice, he was sorry for the tone in his own.

"Sorry, Sara. I was expecting a call from Ecklie, and you know what a good mood that puts me in. Sure, I'll come get you, see you around 7:30."

"Thanks Griss. See you then."

At 7:15 a soft knock on her door got her attention. She smiled as she shook her head. She knew he'd be early.

"What's the matter, couldn't wait to see me?" she asked as she opened the door.

It wasn't Grissom.

Three men dressed in head to toe black, including black ski masks, pushed their way into her home. The one in front came across her cheek with a backhanded slap so hard; she thought that her cheek was going to explode. She fell into a bookcase and then to the floor where the second one grabbed her hair and yanked her to her feet. She started to fight back when the first one said," Don't even think about it, bitch!" as he twisted her right arm behind her back and up between her shoulder blades.

At 7:23, Grissom knocked on Sara's door, cursing himself for being late. He waited, and knocked again.

Inside, the man holding Sara had clasped his hand over her mouth, so that she wouldn't scream.

"Are you expecting someone?" he growled in her ear. She nodded, hoping the information would make them change their minds.

It didn't.

"Sara, are you ready?" Gil couldn't believe that Sara wasn't ready and waiting. She knew when he was going to be there.

Slowly, the door opened to a dark room. "Sara?" he asked, stepping cautiously through the doorway. The door slammed shut behind him just as Sara, held from behind by a masked man, stepped into his view. From the corner of his eye, he saw a shadow just before he was struck on the head from behind. As his sight faded to black, he heard it…

Sara screamed.


	2. Ch 2

Trauma

Usual disclaimers.

Rated: R

WARNING! Chapter contains implied violence, sexual situations, and non-consensual sex.

Ch. 2

He was making love to her. To his Sara. Thrusting became more insistent as his climax neared. "Sara! Oh, God, Sara!" As he crashed over the edge, he realized that he was dreaming again. His breathing slowing to a normal pace, he realized that it was not his hand around his... both of his hands were behind his back. They seemed to be tied together. He also noticed that he could only fully open one eye. The other was swollen shut.

He opened his one good eye to stare into two cocoa brown, Sara's, filled with fear and humiliation. He saw the bruise on her cheek and the dried blood where her lip had been split." I'm sorry, Grissom. They said they would kill you if I didn't." He looked down the length of her naked form, noting other bruising and the evidence of his seed on her flat belly and now glistening curls. He looked back to find her eyes brimming with tears." I'm so sorry." she repeated.

"Sara, don't. It isn't your fault. Did they... hurt you?" He knew that it was a stupid question, what with the bruises and all, but that wasn't exactly what he meant.

"Hey, Who said you could talk?" Came a rough voice from the end of the bed.

"No, not yet" she managed to whisper before one of the men drug Grissom off of the bed and another stretched a piece of tape over her mouth.

"Wait," the leader said to the one holding Grissom, "bring him back over here."

When they threw him back toward the bed, his left knee hit the floor with a thud, and his shoulder slammed into the bedside table. He drew a deep breath in pain, and then realized that they must've broken some of his ribs while he was unconscious, because it really hurt to breathe. The leader then took Sara's free hand and, curling her fingers into a claw, scratched down the side of Gil's face. "More DNA that's not ours," he sneered to the others.

Two of the men in black drug a now bleeding Grissom away from the bed and tied his feet together, so that he would be easier to control. "Stay quiet, or she dies."

When the first one covered her body with his own, Sara started thrashing and bucking under him. She even tried to scream through the tape on her mouth. "Leave her alone!" Grissom yelled at them. Sara watched as one of the men grabbed his hair and pulled his head back to expose his throat That wonder throat that had filled her dreams for years. She saw a flash, then a small trickle of blood slid down to his collar. She shook her head at him screaming "NO!" beneath her gag. Seeing the question in his eyes, she nodded and stilled beneath the grunting form on top of her.

He forced his body to still as the man behind him haphazardly slapped a piece of tape over his mouth, as well. They forced him to watch as they took turns at her. Finally, it was his captor's turn, and he threw Gil's body to the floor in his hurry to claim his 'prize'. Grunting as the air was pushed from his lungs as he hit the floor, Grissom closed his eyes against the pain of his body and in his heart.

Opening his eye, he spotted his cell phone on the floor under the edge of drapes. He quietly scooted over to it. The idiot that had taped his mouth didn't do a very good job, his mind being elsewhere, so it didn't take Griss long to roll it away on the carpet. Trying not to draw attention to himself, he lay on the floor with his back to the curtains and flipped it open. Hoping he was hitting Brass' speed dial number, he turned over, away from the horrors on the bed.

"Gil! Where the hell are you! You didn't call, everybody..."

"Jim, Sara's house. Backup Silent running. Bring Cath. Ambulance. NOW!" Grissom whispered as loud as he dared. Hoping his old friend would hear him.

When Grissom turned away from her, she didn't know whether to be relieved, or hurt. When he raised his head up off of the floor, she briefly saw a familiar flash. His cell phone. He turned back to her and nodded he chanced a small smile, but made it quick.


	3. Ch 3

Trauma

Usual disclaimers... don't own it, never will, but a girl can dream, right?

Rating. Probably PG-13 don't know where I'll end up yet

Ch. 3

After nearly 30 years in law enforcement, Jim Brass thought he had just about seen it all. However, nothing could have prepared him for the scene before him as he, and five other policemen, broke through the bedroom door of Sara Sidle's apartment.

There, on his knees before a man dressed entirely in black, with the muzzle of a gun pressed hard against his forehead, was his friend; Gil Grissom. What caught his attention even more was the look of desperation and defiance mixed on his old friend's face. Behind Gil on the bed, was Sara. Bruised, bloodied, and bound to the bed, her naked form was struggling with consciousness.

The thug with the gun spun around quickly, and just as quickly; hit the floor as Gil slammed his still bound body into the man's knees. The other two men-in-black tried to jump out of the window, only to be met on the ground by four cops wielding shotguns.

"Get 'em out of here!" Brass bellowed at the uniformed officers with him after the perps were 'cuffed. Kneeling to cut the tape on Gil's wrists he quipped," How come I didn't get an invite to the party?"

"I invited you as soon as I could. You could've gotten here sooner, you know." Griss retorted. Then quietly," How bad does it look, Jim?" This said with a nod toward Sara's now limp form as Catherine is trying to gather evidence and still give Sara some dignity. The paramedics get her covered and loaded in the back of an ambulance before Brass can control himself enough to answer.

"She doesn't look good, Gil. I'm no doctor, but this will take some time..." he couldn't finish. "You don't look so good yourself, pal," he said, trying to choke down his emotions.

"I'm fine." Grissom winced as he tried to stand. His side felt like someone was sticking him with a red-hot poker whenever he tried to take a breath.

"Yeah, right," Jim didn't sound convinced." Tell you what, why don't you just ride in the ambulance with Sara and let the EMT's check you out, just for my peace of mind, OK?"

Griss grudgingly agreed, if for no other reason than he could be at the hospital with Sara. He had to pass by a mirror in the hall on his way out and caught a glimpse of himself. He stopped and stared. He almost didn't recognize himself. One eye was nearly swollen shut, his nose had been bleeding, and the side of his face where Sara had scratched him was crusted over and very sore. No wonder Jim wanted him to get checked out.

Gil looked back at his friend," Thanks, Jim." he said.

Three hours later, the ER doctors had fixed him up and Sara had finally gotten moved to a room. At the side of her bed, holding her hand, Gil Grissom gave in to the exhaustion and pain meds and laid his head on his arms to fall into a fitful sleep.

He stirred when he heard whispered voices. The room was dark, but the light from the hall outside silhouetted three men. His groggy mind only saw the forms and he immediately got to his feet in a defensive stance. Sara sensed his movements and opened her eyes. She followed his eyes to the door and saw them. Sara screamed.

" NOOOOO! STAY AWAY!"

Griss' mind cleared and he recognized the three now very nervous young men. "Sara, honey, its OK. Its just Nick, Warrick, and Greg!" He tried to calm down the near-hysterical woman. He repeated, "Shhhh, baby, its OK. " over and over as he wrapped his arms around her.

When his words finally registered in her mind, she quieted, but did not let go of the grip she had on his sleeve. Breathing hard and softly crying, she looked cautiously at her friends.

The three men carefully approached her bed, and tried not to crowd her. She cringed as Nick reached toward her, his hand going to the switch on the wall so that she could see their faces. All three of them drew a sharp breath when they saw the state of their friends' faces. The blood and bruises being more than they expected.

Sara released the death grip she had on Griss' sleeve with one hand to reach over and take Nick's hand in her swollen one. "Sorry, guys," she said hoarsely.

" No, Sara, we're sorry, we didn't think, we were just so worried about you..." Warrick couldn't finish through his tears.

"Its just...three...hurt so much...kill Griss..." this all becoming more incoherent with every word. She was falling apart before their eyes. Sara, their cornerstone, was shattering.

"Catherine couldn't tell us anything, she just teared up and walked away."

They looked at Grissom questioningly, "There were three of them." was all he could say, and they had to strain to hear him.

"Oh, God! Did they...?"

"Repeatedly." even quieter.

He saw the understanding in the eyes of his friends turn quickly to rage.

Sara had drifted back to sleep. Sometimes, Morphine can be a good thing.

"Guys, I'm not going to tell you not to come see her, just don't come all together, please."

When the younger men had left, Grissom sat back down and cried himself to sleep.


	4. Ch 4

Trauma

Usual disclaimers

Rating R

Feedback please! I have no beta, so be gentle, please.

CHAPTER 4

Sara woke up slowly from her medication-induced sleep, sore and hurting. Still groggy and remembering what had happened, she tried to turnover in the bed. There was something holding her down. She couldn't move and one of her hands was also rendered immobile. She started pushing and clawing at the rope she knew must be tied around her waist. But the rope was warm. And soft. And... hairy. And when she pushed at it, it moaned. The panic she had felt just moments before evaporated and was replaced with relief. Grissom.

Grissom had, sometime during their sleep, put his arm around her. Protecting her from the bad dreams and memories. She couldn't move her hand because he was holding it with one of his. With her free hand, she reached out and ran her fingers through his curls. He raised his head and smiled at her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey, yourself."

"Hungry?"

"No, but I am thirsty."

He stretched, wincing, as he rose from his chair to walk around her bed and poured her a glass of ice water the nurse had brought in earlier. He poured himself one, too.

" How are you feeling?" dumb question, Gil

"I'll be alright. How about you?"

"Same as you." He raised his hand to her swollen cheek. "I am so sorry, Sara."

She placed her small hand over his larger one and leaned into it. Tears clouded her eyes." Could you hold me? Please? "She barely managed to whisper.

He smiled at her. "You'll have to scoot over, I'm a big guy."

"You know, I've heard that about you." An attempt at their old humor. She handed him her glass and moved to the side of the bed.

He put both their cups on the rolling table hospitals insist on, and gingerly sat on the bed, careful not to hurt her. She gave him her pillow and laid her head on the arm he slipped around her shoulders. He wrapped his other arm around her and laced his fingers together, holding her close to his side. She turned into him and sighed. " I feel so safe in your arms, " she mumbled to herself, not meaning for him to hear.

He did hear. "How can you feel safe with me?" he asked. " I couldn't stop... I let them..." he choked. She felt his body shake with tears.

She looked up at him and reached out to stroke his face. She saw the tears fall from his lashes onto the pillow. "Grissom, don't. If you hadn't been there, they would have killed me. If you hadn't called Brass, they would've killed us both. There were three of them, they had guns and knives, and they knocked you out." She lowered her hand to lightly finger the bandage over the place he had been cut trying to protect her." You didn't leave me alone. You stayed with me. When you turned your back to me, I thought that you left me. I nearly gave up then. But, you rolled over and looked me in the eyes, and I knew you didn't leave. I knew I could make it then."

He pulled her in closer and she snuggled her head into his chest. They lay there quietly in each other's arms. Each giving and receiving comfort and forgiveness. With his back to the door and blocking Sara's view, neither saw Catherine. Knowing she was witnessing a private moment, and not wanting to disturb them, she quietly backed out of the room and pulled the door closed.

Half an hour later, still in each other's arms, a nurse roused them. "Excuse me, Miss Sidle, but the doctor said you needed to get up and move around. I thought you might want a shower."

"A shower sounds good," Sara replied.

"Do you need any help?" the kind nurse's voice asked.

"No, we'll manage," Grissom answered.

The nurse left with instructions to buzz for her if they needed anything. Grissom got off of the bed and pulled the covers back to help Sara get up. He reached his hand out to grasp her elbow as she stood on wobbly legs.

"O.K.?"

"Yeah, just a little weaker than I thought."

He helped her into the bathroom and untied the back of her hospital gown. As she slipped it off, he turned to adjust the water and to give her a little privacy. "If you want me, I'll be right out here." he assured her.

She moved slowly under the warm water. She shampooed her hair, then took the washcloth and lathered it to wash her body. She didn't want to see the bruises, but knew she needed too. It hurt to even move.

Pacing in the room outside, Grissom heard a sound. It grew louder.

Rushing into the bathroom, he saw Sara, on the floor of the shower, her nude body wracked with sobs. Without thinking, he sat down with her and gathered her in his arms.


	5. Ch 5

Trauma

CSI: Yeah sure, I own it NOT

Archive: ask first please

Rating: PG-13

Chapter 5

Catherine found them a few minutes later. Grissom had managed to turn off the water and grab a towel to wrap around Sara's shivering body. He was holding her as her sobs faded to soft whimpers.

"Griss! Are you guys O.K.? What happened?"

"We're alright, Cath. Could you help me get her up?"

Even with her help, the act of getting Sara to a standing position was almost more than his broken ribs could take. Catherine noticed his face turn white, then a lovely shade of green. He fought down the nausea as he took a deep breath.

Sara had been curled in a fetal position ball when Grissom found her, and covered with a towel the first time Catherine saw her, so when she stood up it was the first time either had really seen her body. Purple and black bruises spanned her hips and covered the inside of both thighs to her knees. Grissom hissed in another deep breath and let it out with a word neither had ever heard him utter. Catherine drew a breath, and then offered Sara a watery smile.

"Uh, Griss... Could you give us girls a few minutes?" Cath nodded her head toward the door.

He shuffled his way out, shaking with rage.

Catherine helped Sara into a clean hospital gown, then the women left the bathroom and headed for Sara's bed. After Grissom and Catherine helped her into bed, Sara gave them both a weak, tired smile. "Thanks." she whispered.

"Griss, I brought you some clean clothes, I thought you might want to get out of those scrubs." Catherine said, indicating the duffle bag she had put in the chair.

"Thanks, Cath.Will you stay awhile? I'd like to take a shower, but I don't want to leave her alone."

"Sure, we can girl talk." Grissom wasn't sure he liked the sound of that.

As he entered the bathroom, he heard Catherine offer to get Sara some water or food. The girls would be fine. He turned on the water to adjust the temp. , and painfully pulled the scrub top over his head. "Shit!" he mumbled.

"Catherine, could I bother you a moment? "He called.

The women looked at each other quizzically. "What's the matter? Did you forget how to undress yourself?" she teased as she opened the door.

"No. When they were putting this binder on me for my ribs, Jim told them to put it on backwards because I would take it off the first chance I got. So now the Velcro is in the back and I can't reach it." he said as he turned to show her.

"This may hurt," she warned as she grabbed the end of the material to pull it apart. He braced himself and winced as she tried to accomplish her task with as little pain as possible. He felt the binder release and heard her sharp breath at the same time.

"Oh my God, Gil! What did they do to you?" she whispered so Sara wouldn't hear. His back was covered in bruises, much the same color as Sara's, from just below his shoulder blades to his waist. When Catherine reached out to tenderly touch them, he flinched. "Sorry. "She quickly withdrew her hand.

"Apparently, while I was unconscious, those goons kicked the shit out of me, "he stated matter-of-factly.

Catherine smiled at his un-Grissom choice of words. Yep, he was hurting. "Gil, this looks bad. What about your kidneys?" she asked, the concern evident in her voice.

"They are badly bruised, but the doctors say there shouldn't be any permanent damage. I'll just be pissing blood for a few days."

"Sounds painful."

"Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. Don't tell Sara, Cath. She has enough to deal with. She already blames herself for my being there, because she called me for a ride." he let out a long , tortured sigh.

He reached for the string on his scrub pants."Uh, Cath, I think I can handle it from here." he said over his shoulder.

"Right..." She turned and left him to his own thoughts.

Stripping off the bland blue scrubs and his boxers in one motion, he stepped under the welcome spray of warm water. He stood there just a moment, letting the water take some of the tension and pain with it down the drain. Then he gingerly raised his arms to run the soapy cloth over his body, trying to remove at least some of the filth he felt, even though he knew most of it was psychological and not actually there. After he soaped his hair, he put his head under the water and leaned his hands on the shower wall. He finally let the tears that had been threatening have their way.

How would she ever want him now? He couldn't stop...anything. When he woke up and she was stroking him... NO! That's not the way it was supposed to be! Their first time together was supposed to be tender, loving, amazing, and beautiful. Not ugly and forced by someone else's agenda. True, technically, they weren't together but it still was not of their own time.

Who was he kidding! He wondered if he ever would've made any kind of move to bring them together. He was too afraid. Of her. Of himself. Now he realized that he was more afraid of losing her.

"What was that about?" Sara asked as Catherine came back into the room.

"Oh, Griss needed help out of his girdle." At Sara's look of astonishment, Catherine smiled as she explained, carefully omitting the worst.

"Catherine, I need you to do something for me. Please."

At Sara's serious tone, Catherine's smile faded." Of course, whatever you need."

"Help him." Sara nodded toward the still closed bathroom door." He was a victim, too."

" Do you want to tell me?"

"No," with a sad chuckle," but I think I need to. To make it brief, they knocked him out then kicked him and hit him over and over. After they took my clothes and tied me to the bed, they dumped him on the bed with me, still out of it. Then they said they would kill him if I didn't... if I didn't..."She fought back the tears. She had to get through this."... Touch him. You know, stroke his..."

Catherine nodded her understanding. Gil hadn't told her everything, after all.

"Then they made him watch while they..." deep breath "gang raped me." She did it. She told it. "That's how he got the cut on his throat, trying to protect me."

As Catherine was trying to adjust to all this new information, Grissom chose that moment to walk in the room.

"So, what have you girls been saying about me behind my back?"


	6. Ch 6

Trauma

Don't own CSI or any characters, but if anyone wants to give them to me, I won't object.

Spoilers: Don't think so

Rating R

I have no beta, please forgive any mistakes. PLEASE R&R

Chapter 6

Grissom had padded out into Sara's room, bare-footed and towel-drying his hair still wet from his shower.

"What makes you think we were talking about your egotistical self?" Catherine asked with a grin.

"What else would two beautiful women be talking about?" he grinned back, dropping the towel to his side, exposing his tousled curls and clear blue eyes. Catherine rolled her eyes and Sara caught her breath. DAMN! Even in her damaged state of mind, he still looked good.

The orderly chose that moment to bring in Sara's dinner tray.

"Cath, please take Griss down to the cafeteria and MAKE him eat something. He can't keep taking all those pain meds on an empty stomach."

"No problem, you need anything else?" Catherine asked as Grissom pulled on his socks and shoes. He grimaced as he bent down to tie them.

"Well, did you happen to bring an extra pair of socks? My feet are freezing!"

"Yeah, their still in the bag, let me get them." Catherine rummaged through Griss' duffle bag until she found the wayward things at the bottom.

"Socks?" thought Grissom. That would mean she was in my sock drawer. That would mean she saw...oh shit.

Catherine smiled to herself when she saw the realization dawn in Gil's eyes. As she walked pass him to the door, she whispered, "Yes, I saw it. You have some explaining to do."

"We'll be right back. If you need anything, just buzz the nurse or call my cell," he squeezed Sara's hand, then turned on his heel and followed the smirking blonde out the door.

They had gotten their food and coffee and found a table away from the other patrons so that they could talk privately. Catherine decided to make Gil sweat, and didn't bring up the subject she knew he wanted to talk about until they were halfway through their dessert.

""When was it taken?"

He knew what she meant. "Six years ago in San Francisco. It was one of those restaurants where they have a photographer go around taking pictures, then charge an arm and a leg for it." He smiled to himself at the memory.

"You both look so happy. You look like you were good friends."

"We were more than friends."

At Catherine's stunned look and almost inaudible "oh", Grissom realized how that must have sounded. "No, Catherine, we weren't... didn't... I've never even kissed her."

"Does she know?"

"That I've never kissed her? Yea, I think she knows."

"No, Gil. Does she know that you want to?"

He sighed deeply and hung his head in his hands, elbows resting on the table. " What difference does that make now? She won't want me. Not considering what I didn't do the other night. When she needed me most."

"Gil, we have been friends for a very long time. So I hope you realize that I love you when I say... You are an ass."

"Gee Cath, how could I not feel the love in that statement."

"Gil, you love her. I think she feels the same. You are going to need to lean on each other to get through this ordeal. If you are both half as strong as I think you are, you will make it through. But you have to be there for each other. Let's face it, neither one of you are very good at admitting you need someone. You may have to open up first. Do you think you can do that?"

"For Sara, I can do anything."

As they rounded the corner of the nurse's station by Sara's room, they heard her voice.

"STOP IT! You are hurting me!"

Grissom broke into a run.


	7. Ch 7

Trauma

Disclaimers: I don't own CSI, yada yada yada

Spoilers: thru S4 to be safe

Rating: R

Feedback: Please, but remember, I'm fragile

Chapter 7

A few minutes after Grissom and Catherine left, Sara was sitting up in bed contemplating her plate of hospital drek they called food.

"Hey, don't eat that! What? You have a death wish?" Nick grinned at her as he and Warrick sauntered in carrying a bag from her favorite deli and what appeared to be a milkshake. She smiled back at her friends, at least as much as she could with a split lip.

"See, I knew you guys were good for something," she said, snatching the bag from Nick's hand. They each in turn bent to give her a kiss on the cheek, and then Nick walked around the bed to take Grissom's chair, while Warrick stood guard where he was. As she ate, they discussed a few cases, the men being sure not to bring up any sensitive subject matters.

She had finished her veggie sandwich and was just munching on her chips and sipping her shake, when another body appeared in the door." Oh, hey, I didn't know you guys would be here, I... I'll come back later." Greg hung his head and turned to go.

"Greg, wait!" Sara called.

"Grissom said not to all three be here at the same time," he protested.

"He was trying to protect me. You guys scared me when I woke up and couldn't see your faces. I'm awake now, and am asking you to stay." Sara offered quietly.

"OK, if you're sure."

"I'm sure."

Greg's face lit up as he bounded into the room. Sara had almost forgotten how much energy he exuded into a room, and was strangely relaxed by it. As Greg stood (Greg stood? he's never still enough to stand) at the foot of the bed he began to animatedly describe the latest scene he had been allowed on. His impersonations of all the police at the scene led naturally to an impression of Jim Brass.

At this point, Sara, Nick, and Warrick were laughing so hard; tears were steaming down their faces. Holding her side, and one hand to her hurt lip, Sara cried out," Stop it! You are hurting me!"

This just encouraged Greg further. He then proceeded to a conversation between Brass, Catherine and Grissom. He didn't see Grissom skid to a stop at Sara's door, followed closely by Catherine. Nick saw them, and the look on Griss' face change from fierce protector to amused relief. As Grissom leaned against the doorframe, he shushed Nick across the room with a finger to his lips.

As Greg continued to make his known audience laugh, Catherine and Grissom couldn't help but chuckle, either. After a particularly funny Brass impression, Grissom applauded and walked over to the bed, to stand behind Warrick and beside Sara.

"That was very good, Greg. I don't think Jim does himself that well." Catherine complimented the young man who was obviously nervous to have been caught.

"Yes, and you nailed Catherine pretty good, too," Grissom said. He couldn't understand the five pairs of bug-eyes and gaped jaws that faced him. When he realized what he had said and how it had sounded, he felt the blush start at his toes and work its way upward. He ducked his head and grinned sheepishly as he felt the flush stain his cheeks.

"Gil, your face is priceless!" Catherine squeaked as they all started laughing. Even Greg loosened up enough to let out a giggle.

When Sara yawned, Grissom took that as his cue to send the rest on their way. Sara thanked Warrick and Nick for saving her from hospital food, and Greg for the entertainment. "You'll have to do that at the Christmas party," she told him.

"Yeah, maybe I can nail Cath again!" He dodged as Catherine swung at him, laughing.

"You all are just so disturbed on so many levels, I can't even begin to fathom." Grissom smirked at the departing group.

Sara looked up at him shyly, " Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"For not getting mad at Greg. For not running the guys out. For being here." This last she said as she slipped her hand into his. He leaned over and lightly placed a kiss in her hair." I'll always be here," he whispered. She didn't say anything, so he thought she hadn't heard, he didn't mean for her to anyway. She heard. She just didn't want to get her hopes up. He had burned her so many times before, unintentional or not, it still hurt.

"Why don't you go on home and get some real sleep?" she asked. "I know you aren't resting in that chair and you are recuperating, too, you know." She really did not want him to leave, but she knew he needed the rest and was giving him an out to go.

"If its OK with you, Dr. Sidle, I'll hang around a little longer."

She smiled at his sarcasm and scooted over in the bed to pat the mattress beside her, inviting him to sit with her. She was pleasantly surprised when he propped his feet on the bed and lay down, taking her in his arms. She sighed quietly to herself.

"Sara, we need to talk about the other night," he started softly. He felt her tense in his embrace.

"I am so sorry I got you involved in this mess. If I hadn't called for a ride..."

"Sara, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm the one who should be apologizing. If I could have taken it away, and been the one hurt I would have. All of it. Even the... anything to save you." he choked out. " I... I care for you so much, Sara. I'm sorry it took those bastards and what they did for me to finally admit it. Not just to you. To myself. Can you ever forgive me?"

She held him tighter, her face buried in his chest where she could feel the sobs rumble through him. "Griss, there is nothing to forgive. I've known for a long time now how you felt, even if you didn't. I also knew that you are a very private man and needed time to sort things out. I just hope that when the rough part is over, you don't pull back again. I don't know if I could take that."

"I won't. If I start to, you just kick my butt. OK?"

"OK" she replied with a smile. She finally felt safe and content as she fell asleep in his arms.

He had never felt so... complete. He was protector and protected all in one. His arms felt her body relax in sleep and he soon followed.


	8. Ch 8

Trauma

All disclaimers apply

Spoilers thru S4 to be safe

Rating R

I have no beta, all mistakes are mine. Please R&R

Chapter 8

When Sara woke up the next morning, Grissom was gone, but he had left a note for her saying he had some things at the office to take care of, and would return soon.

As she sat there in bed contemplating her cold, rubbery eggs and burnt toast, Jim Brass walked into the room. "Hey, Sara! How ya feeling? Don't you think you've milked this long enough?" His dry wit could always be counted on.

"Uh...fine." She continued to push her unappetizing breakfast around her plate. He noticed that she wouldn't look at him.

"Sara? I was only teasing, I didn't mean..." He reached for her shoulder. She jerked out of his grasp. "I'm sorry, maybe I should go." She could hear the hurt in his voice.

"No, Brass. I'm sorry. It's just..." Her voice was so quiet, he barely heard her. "You saw me..."

Understanding now shone through his eyes. He sat on the side of the bed and tried to explain some things to her. "Oh...Sara, I have been a cop for... too many years to count, and I have seen more than my share of bodies. " He saw the tears threaten to fall and rushed on. "Have you EVER heard me, or any officers under my command, ridicule, joke about or in any way say something negative or derogatory about a victim?"

She shook her head no, her hair falling to cover her face. He gently pushed it back behind her ear so that he could see her face.

"That's right, and you never will. The victims have been through enough without the people who are supposed to protect them beating them up, too."

" Sara, when I walked in that room and saw you there, I wanted to kill those guys myself. They had hurt my friend." he continued, "Luckily, my brain went on autopilot, and told the rest of me what to do."

Sara thought back on all the crime scenes she had been on with Brass, all the innocent flirting, the time he had confided about his drinking, all the really bad jokes. Yes, he was her friend and she could trust him. Professionally and personally. He had proven himself too many times.

When Brass saw her body relax and she looked up at him, he just couldn't help himself." I am going to say one more thing, and then this subject is closed, O.K.?" At her nod he finished," I saw Catherine a few times, back when she was dancing. Honey, she's got nothing on you." He winked at her.

Gil walked in the room to find Jim Brass on Sara's bed and she was blushing. He hoped the hurt didn't show too much as he approached the pair. "Hey, guys."

Sara turned a tear-stained face to him and smiled as she took his hand. "Griss, Brass just dropped in to make sure I was going to be back at work tomorrow. " Jim could feel the tension in his old friend's body, and decided a quick exit was a good idea.

"Yeah, she's lazed around enough. Nobody believes she was really hurt, anyway." He grinned at her as he leaned in to give her a quick peck on the cheek." Whenever you're ready, Sara. " He whispered to her, not wanting the Griss to hear him sound like he actually cared. She smiled her understanding at him. He stood up and patted Gil on the shoulder." Take care of her. See ya later, Grissom."

After Brass left, Grissom was telling Sara about the case they were working on when the doctor walked in."Ms. Sidle, you will be glad to know that you can go home today. There are some precautions I want you to take, however. I do not want you lifting anything over 5 lbs., no showering or bathing when you are alone in the house, and you need lots of protein and iron to rebuild your blood supply. I realize that, mentally and emotionally, it will be a while before you resume sexual relations," this he said with a glance in Grissom's direction," physically, with all the damage you sustained, I want you to wait at least 4 weeks. The good news is, I don't think this will affect your ability to bear children. I want to do some more tests in 3 months, but right now, everything looks good."

Sara was stunned. She hadn't even thought about the reproductive side. She had been embarrassed when the doc looked at Griss when he was speaking about resuming sexual relations, but the topic of children pushed it out of her mind. She wasn't sure if she wanted a child or not, but she wanted to be able to make the choice herself. Not have it taken away by someone else's violence.

Seeing the look on Sara's face, Grissom knew that she had not heard the doctor wish her luck. He shook the doctor's hand and thanked him for all that he had done.

"Sara? You OK?" he asked quietly after the doc had left.

She raised her cocoa colored eyes to meet his cobalt ones. " Yeah, I'm fine. Just ready to get out of here." She grinned up at him.

"Sara, " he started hesitantly," the crime scene clean-up crew isn't through with your place, yet. I can arrange for you to stay with Catherine, or someone, if you'd like."

"Oh, I was hoping I could stay with you," she answered dejectedly.

"I was hoping you would say that. I want to be sure that you are all right. "

They were still holding hands when the nurse came in with all the paperwork that needed to be signed for her release.

In his car, on the way to his house. The thought kept going through Sara's mind. She was scared. What if he retreated into himself? What if he hovered? What if... She was going to drive herself crazy if she didn't stop this.

In my car, going to my house. Grissom's thoughts were swirling around in his brain at an unbelievable rate. What if she thought he expected something more than she could give? What if she expected more than he could give? What if...he shook his head as if to clear his mind.

He pulled the Denali to a smooth stop in front of his townhouse and a shaking hand switched off the engine. Getting out to walk around the vehicle so that he could help her out, he took a big breath and blew it out forcefully to calm his nerves. This is silly he thought to himself. I feel like I'm in high school and bringing a girl home while my mother is at work

Sara wondered what he was smirking at when he opened her door and stretched out his hand to help her up the steps to his home. As she walked into his living room, she couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. She had, for a long time, wanted to be asked into his domain, but now that she was here, it was a trifle frightening. She would be alone, totally alone with a man. True, the man was Gil Grissom, someone she trusted, but he was still a man. She knew from past experience that even men you think you know and trust, can turn on you and hurt you. Grissom was taller and heavier than she, and in her weakened physical condition, she knew she would not be able to defend herself if she needed to.

Grissom could sense the change in Sara's attitude immediately. She clutched her small bag of clothes to her chest and took 3 small steps back and away from him. Her eyes were wide and darting around. "Sara, its OK. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know, Griss. It's just..."she stopped as her eyes started to mist over." I don't know how to explain..."

"Its alright, sweetheart. I understand. Really." His arms were aching to hold her and comfort her, but he was afraid that would frighten her even further. As his eyes tried not to convey his hurt and fear, he moved toward the kitchen.

" How about some coffee? I'll make a fresh pot. The bedroom is at the end of the hall."

She nodded her thanks and hurried down the hall to the room he indicated with a jerk of his head. She opened the door to a very masculine room. A gray and navy blue abstract patterned bedspread covered a queen-sized bed. Dark wood furniture and heavy-duty blinds, all added to the image of a man's room. This can't be right she thought. She went back to the hall, but the only other door was to the bathroom.

In the kitchen, alone with his thoughts, Grissom was angry. He wasn't really angry at Sara's reaction, he understood that, but he was raging at the cause. He didn't realize that he was slamming cupboard doors and cursing under his breath until he heard her soft question.

"Are you upset at me?" She had seen the flames of rage in his eyes as he turned to the sound of her voice. "I'm sorry, Grissom. I didn't mean anything. I was just scared. I won't do it again." Her panic had been rising with each word and was obvious in her voice and eyes. He hurried around the kitchen bar to soothe her.

" Don't hurt me!" her scream stopped him in his tracks.


	9. Ch 9

Trauma

All disclaimers apply- don't own it, never will

Spoilers thru S4 to be safe

Rating: R

Please R&R… no flames please

Chapter 9

He was sure that she could hear his heart shatter in the silence that followed her scream. He slowly raised his hands, palms facing her and purposely kept his voice soft and even.

"Sara, its just me, Grissom. I'm not going to hurt you, honey." He carefully took a step toward her trembling body. He continued talking as he slowly moved closer, keeping his eyes locked to hers for any sign that she might bolt. "I'm not upset at you. I have no reason to be. You are scared and that is perfectly normal. But, you have no reason to be afraid of me." He was within arm's length of her now." Sara, I'm going to put my arms around you now." He felt her whole being stiffen as he touched her, then all at once, she crumpled in his embrace.

"Oh, Griss, I don't know how to deal with this. I want you to hold me, but I am afraid for you to touch me. My emotions are all jumbled up inside, and I am having trouble handling it. Then, I walked into the bedroom and realized that there was only one, and I just kinda freaked. I'm sorry for being such a. ……Girl." she tried, unsuccessfully, to laugh it off.

He held her closer to him and gently kissed her hair. "I'm glad you're such a girl sometimes. I would look a little silly holding Nick like this." If she could joke, he would, too. "And don't worry about the bed, the sofa is a pull-out. That's where I sleep when my mother comes to town."

Sara burrowed her face deep into Grissom's chest, her hands flat against him. The smell that she had come to recognize over the years as pure Grissom filled her senses. The feel of his pectoral muscles rippling beneath her fingers as he held her and stroked her back, was intoxicating. She felt his breath start to shorten and his pulse quicken. As she lifted her eyes to his face, he raised a hand to her bruised cheek. She flinched, and his eyes misted.

"I am so sorry …." He didn't finish his thought, but brought his lips to hers in a tender kiss.

His lips were so soft, so gentle; she couldn't help but sigh into him. She quickly deepened the kiss and thrust her tongue into his mouth. He responded in kind. Her left hand snaked its way up his shoulder to his neck, while her right found its way to the waistband of his jeans to begin untucking his shirt. Her kisses were getting more demanding and her hands were more aggressive in their travels.

"Sara, stop!" He said as he ripped his lips from hers. His hands had left her back and he was grasping her upper arms to put some distance between them.

"Why should I? Isn't that why you brought me here? That's all I'm good for anyway!" She tried to reach for him again, but he stood firm.

"Is that really what you think? Is that the kind of man you think I am?" The hurt and pain was evident in the way his voice shook as he spoke. He took a shuddering breath. "Sara, I do not now, nor have I EVER, thought of you as only good for sex. Do I want to make love with you? Yes. But, know this, even if we never sleep together, my opinion of you will not change. You are one of the brightest, most intelligent, people I know, and I don't think I deserved that."

She lowered her head and quietly gave in to her feelings of regret." You're right. You didn't deserve that. I am lashing out at you because I can't lash out at whom I am really angry at, and I know you will still be here when I'm through being an ass. I'm sorry."

He put a crooked finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to his. "Don't make a habit of it, OK?" He smiled at her nod. " You look tired, and I know I need a nap before I go into work tonight." At her look of panic, he said," I'll get a pillow and take the couch."

"You are going to work?"

"Just for a few hours. Tons of paperwork. I plan on being home around midnight. You won't be here alone for very long, and all you have to do is call my cell." Seeing her indecision, he whispered, "It'll be alright, honey. I promise."

She nodded and turned for the bedroom. Half-way there she stopped, and glancing over her shoulder, she said," Will you sleep with me? I need you there. Please?" Her voice softened with each sentence.

He took her hand and led her down the hall to his bedroom. After they kicked off their shoes, they lay on the bed and he pulled a quilt up over their bodies. He turned on his side and pulled her back to his chest, putting his arm around her waist. He felt her sobbing, so he pulled her closer to his warmth. Never wanting to let her go.


	10. Ch 10

Trauma

Rating; R

Please R&R

Chapter 10

HE woke up with Sara spooned in his arms everyday. This time was different. This time, when he called out her name and kissed her ear, a warm body stirred. This time, it wasn't just a dream.

HE could feel her body tremble in his embrace. Sure that he was frightening her, he started to pull back. Her hand flashed out to grasp his and bring it tighter around her body. "Don't." was all she said. He pulled her closer into his chest.

" YOU know, it's really kinda sad, in a way. Here I am, finally in your arms, in your bed, and even if I could physically make love with you, emotionally I'm too afraid to even turn over and face you."

HE gently raised his hand to her chin and turned her head to look into her eyes. "You never have to be afraid of me," he whispered.

"I know," she answered, as they continued to gaze into each other's eyes.

Slowly, giving her plenty of opportunity to stop him, he lowered his mouth to hers in a gentle kiss. A kiss they both seemed to need. The kiss broke as Sara turned in his arms. She raised her hand to stroke his bearded jaw, and smiled a small smile into his eyes. He leaned in to claim her kiss again, her name escaping on a sigh just before his lips touched hers.

The kiss gently deepened, their tongues tentatively sneaking out to touch the other. He realized that he was half on top of her, and wanting her to feel like she was in control of the situation, rolled onto his back, pulling her over him. Now, he could really hold her like he had been aching to do. He wrapped his strong arms around her waist and held on as if he were a drowning man.

He felt her suddenly stiffen in his arms, and knew he had gone too far. "I'm sorry," he said as he broke the connection of their mouths. Looking into her chocolate eyes, he saw fear. But what gave him hope was the regret and trust he saw there. He smiled a megawatt smile at her and said," Now, THAT"S the way to wake up! Start everyday with a killer kiss, and the world would be a much better place!"

She smiled down at him. "Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"For…understanding."

HE brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I'm not so understanding. I've just gotta get ready for work," he gave her the smirk that she had grown to love, hate, and depend on.

"Fine, then! Get outta my bed!" She said as she laughingly pushed at his solid chest.

"If memory serves, this is actually MY bed."

"Oh…. Bite me!" for lack of anything more intelligent to say.

"I was trying to!" he growled as he pushed her off of him and headed for the bathroom to take a shower.

An hour later, after a cold shower and a hot breakfast, Grissom was giving Sara some last minute instructions. "If you have to open the door, be sure to disable the alarm first. The code is Einstein's birthday." She smiled at that." Don't let anybody in that you don't know…"

"Yes, Mom." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Sorry, I just…I want you to be safe."

"I know, and I appreciate it, but I am a big girl and have to learn to deal with this myself."

"Yeah, well… I'll see you around midnight. I'll call if I think I'm going to be very much later. You call me if you need anything. I'll be in my office trying to trudge through all the paperwork that multiplies on my desk. I swear I saw two forms doing the 'Horizontal Mambo' the other day."

She laughed as she shooed him out the door.

Dr. Doreen Grimes was a small lady, somewhere between 61 and 258 years old, with the brightest red hair Sara had ever seen. Yet, something about her let a person know that she could be trusted and she actually cared about her patients as people, not just 'billable hours'.

"Sara, you do not blame Mr. Grissom, who was with you during the attack and is a man much stronger than yourself, but you are condemning yourself for the rape. Why?"

"I have been trained in weaponless defense. It is my responsibility to take care of myself."

"Sara, those three men had guns and knives. They also had the element of surprise on their side. They had a specific "goal", if you will, and the only thing that would have stopped them would have been someone's death. Probably yours."


	11. Ch 11

Trauma

Disclaimers: you know the routine

Rating: R

Chapter 11

"Dr. Grissom. Please, have a seat."

As he lowered himself into the overstuffed, well-worn leather chair, Gil Grissom took in his surroundings, and the man ruffling through the stacks of paper on the desk, with a trained eye.

Dr. Ari Hademenos was a short man with shoulder-length black hair that was racing to see what would win; the gray at the fringes or baldness. A walrus mustache and thick glasses seemed to take over his face, his clothes looked to be in a constant state of rumple. Just like his office. The room had a strange sense of ordered chaos. The kind of chaos that, to an outsider, might appear as though the good doctor's filing cabinet had exploded, but amazingly, Ari could walk to any pile, reach about half-way in, and his hand would emerge with the exact file or document he needed.

It reminded Grissom of his own office. As a result, he automatically liked Dr. Hademenos. The paper chaos gave him the feeling that the psychologist cared more for the patient than the paper.

"Dr. Grissom, since this is our first meeting, I will need to get a brief background from you. You understand, it is just to give me a reference point, and to give us both some insight to your actions and reactions in our sessions."

Grissom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This wasn't going to be easy.

"O.K. here goes… but, please, drop the 'Dr.' call me Gil or just Grissom." Another breath. "I was raised by my mother in a single-parent household in California…"

Grissom was surprised when, what seemed like just a few minutes later, Dr. Hademenos announced that his hour was up.

"Dr... Gil, I know that this is not easy for you, and I will warn you, it is only going to get harder. However, just by being here, you are admitting to yourself that you are willing to accept help through this. You and I both know that therapy will take a while, but I think that you are up to the challenge." Ari shook his hand and smiled at him. "See you tomorrow, Gil."

Grissom was exhausted when he finally got home. After a long shift, he had stayed late to do some paperwork and gone straight to his Dr. appointment. Only stopping long enough to call Sara on his way. His still healing body protested as he climbed out of his Denali and made his way slowly up the walk to his door. Tiredly, he twisted the key in the lock and turned the knob. As the door swung silently open, he heard Sara's voice coming from the direction of his bedroom.

"Stop it, that hurts! I said NO!"

He heard the low rumble of a man's voice, but couldn't make out the words .A loud crash followed by the sound of breaking glass assaulted his ears just as he crossed the threshold of his bedroom door. He saw Sara backing out of his bathroom with her hands in front of her as if to ward off something evil. There was blood smeared on the front of her shirt, and it was dripping from her left hand.

"Don't you come near me again, I'm warning you!" The squeak in her voice took away any authority she might have been striving for.

Sara had not seen Grissom. Neither had the man who was coming out of the bathroom reaching for her. As a result, they also had not seen the fist headed for the man's jaw that sent him flying into the wall. Before either of them could react, Warrick Brown was pinned to the wall with Grissom's powerful forearm pushing at his throat. With his hands up, palms out, in the universal 'I surrender', green eyes locked with blue.

"She's mine!" was ground out through gritted teeth. So quiet that Sara hadn't heard it.

"I know." was whispered back.

"GRISSOM! Let him go! What do you think you are doing?" Sara was tugging on his arm, yelling at him.

Suddenly recognizing the face he was glaring at, he immediately dropped his arm and stepped back. His eyes apologizing more than his words ever could.

"Griss, Warrick knew that you had a doctor appointment today, so he came over to keep me company until you got home." She told him in a soft voice.

"What about the blood?" he asked, raising her hand to inspect it.

Sara ducked her head and grinned sheepishly." I was slicing a tomato for a salad and the knife slipped. You have very sharp knives, Grissom. Warrick was **trying** to clean and bandage it when you came in."

"But…. You said he was hurting you!"

"Yeah, he poured peroxide mixed with alcohol on it, and it stung like hell!"

"Oh, damn," Grissom muttered under his breath. "I'm sorry, Rick," he said, turning to his long-time friend. "I …I thought…"

" Hey, don't worry 'bout it, Griss. I understand how it must've sounded. Especially after… everything." Instantly, Grissom knew that their private exchange from earlier would remain just that. Private.

"Uh, Griss, you should know that Sara broke your bathroom mirror."

"I did not!"

"Well, it wasn't my hand jerking away to smash into it."

"Hey, that concoction of yours hurt!"

"Don't be such a baby!"

"ENOUGH!" Grissom had had all he could take of this conversation.

"Warrick, thank you for taking care of Sara. I'm sorry about hitting you, but please, go home. I am going to bed." His body ached even more after the adrenaline rush, and he needed sleep.

After Warrick finished bandaging her hand and left, Sara cleaned up the mess in the bathroom while Grissom changed clothes. He closed the heavy blinds and flopped onto the bed. When Sara emerged into the darkened room just minutes later, it was to the sound of soft snores. She smiled to herself and left the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

An hour later, Sara climbed into bed behind him. Careful not to wake him, she didn't even touch him; she scooted close enough to feel his heat. She loved him so much, sometimes it actually physically hurt. But, he didn't want her before, so why should he want her now that she was 'damaged goods'? He was only being a friend or just feeling guilty.

She curled on her side facing away from him, and cried herself to sleep.


	12. Ch12

Trauma

Chapter 12

"You know, Sara," Dr. Grimes continued," I think you are wrong about Grissom. I don't think that it is just guilt and responsibility he feels towards you. That would explain some, but certainly not all, of his actions."

"I don't think so, Doc. We used to be friends, good friends, but even before all this our relationship was in the toilet." Sara said sadly.

"Well then! Maybe I should meet this Dr. Grissom. I mean, if he doesn't go for a young, beautiful, brunette; maybe he likes wrinkly, old, red heads!" she cackled.

"May be, Doc," Sara laughed, "It just may be."

Telling everyone at work that he had gotten the bruise on his chin during a pick-up basketball game at the youth center, Warrick kept Grissom's confidence to himself. Nothing more was said about the incident between the two men as each knew that he could trust the other…with his life if need be.

Sara returned to work two nights later to bear hugs and gentle teasing about her 'life of leisure'. She knew that they were not diminishing or dismissing what had happened, they were giving her time and space to adjust. They were letting her know that they would be there to help her through what was sure to be rough times ahead.

When Grissom told her that she would be on light lab duties for a few days, she was relieved and angry at the same time. When he saw the frustration flash in her eyes, he quickly reminded her that, technically, she wasn't supposed to be at work yet. He smiled at her grumble.

'That's my Sara,' he thought to himself.

MY SARA. When had he started thinking of her that way? If he were honest with himself, he would admit that he had always thought that. From the moment he laid eyes on her, even before he knew her name.

**My Sara. Sara and me. Sara and Gil. Mr. and Mrs. …… don't go there, Gil.** She had been in his thoughts for years, but when had she seeped into his soul? He loved her. Something his heart and body had known for a long time, but his mind was just now admitting to itself.

He constantly wanted to touch her. If it was more than an hour before he saw her or heard her voice, his heart, along with other more obvious body parts, ached. God, he was just like a horny teenager. Only, he didn't remember his teen years being this exquisitely painful. When he was away from her, he wanted to be with her. When he was with her, he knew he had better get away from her before he did something stupid. Like kiss her. Or worse, tell her how he felt about her.

My Sara. Where do we go from here?

Sara had never been so happy to see the start of her menses in her life. Not even that time in college when she and Glen had gotten in too big of a hurry and forgotten the condom. At least she wouldn't have to face a pregnancy, too.

"I need to go home, Griss."

His face fell as he answered," I know." He knew that their present living arrangement wouldn't last, but he had been in denial about her eventual leaving.

"I don't want to go alone," She murmured.

"Come on, I'll go with you. I want to make sure that Nick and Warrick replaced those deadbolts like I asked."

"You had them change my locks?" she asked in wonder.

"Yes, I hope that's o.k. I also had Catherine get you a new mattress set and linens. Greg wanted to help, so I sent him on a grocery run. So be sure you check the labels before you eat anything," he ended with a smirk.

At her open-mouthed stare, he quickly added," We have the old stuff in the evidence lock-up if you want… or need to see it."

"I might. But later. Not yet." Sara dropped her eyes to the floor." Thank you. I can't believe all of you did this for me."

"Sara, we all care about you. Some of us more than others." He crooked his finger under her chin to raise her eyes to his.

As he leaned in for a gentle kiss, he heard her whisper," I'm scared, Gil."

He jerked away as if she had slapped him, panic in his eyes. This could not be happening. Not after he had finally knocked down the walls to his heart.

"Of me?" he asked quietly, dreading the answer.

Seeing the fear in his cobalt eyes and hearing it in his shaking voice, she gently raised her hand to stroke his cheek." No, Griss. Of going back there. Of facing …"

At her unspoken thought, he gathered her in his strong arms. "I know, honey. I know"

Grissom unlocked her apartment door with the new keys Nick had given him and quickly scanned the room before allowing Sara inside.

"Stay here while I check things out," He told her as he went to the kitchen to check the locks on the windows. Looking in the pantry, he saw that most of the food there looked fairly normal and edible. The questionable looking stuff were things he had seen Sara eat before, so, he guessed that they were acceptable, too. He had to admit, Greg had done a good job. Probably better than he could have done himself.

He stepped back into an empty living room. "Sara?" He followed the footprints in the freshly vacuumed carpet to her bedroom door.

The window that had been broken that night by the rapists trying to escape had been replaced and the broken glass and other detritus had been cleared away. Catherine had placed the orchid that he had sent Sara on her dresser. Beside the plant there was a framed photograph. Sara's copy of the photo that Grissom had kept hidden in his sock drawer.

Looking around the neat, fresh room, a person would not guess the trauma and horror that had occurred here just a few weeks before.

Grissom felt a trembling hand slide into his. He glanced at her face and saw the tears stream silently down her cheeks. She was so strong, so beautiful, so… his control broke and he felt the moisture on his own face. Moving behind her, he wrapped his solid arms around her shaking body. They stood like that, holding and being held, comforting and being comforted.

At almost he same moment, they realized that their self-pity mourning time was over. It was time to move on. They knew that there would be rough times and cruel memories ahead, but they would get through. Hopefully together, but maybe not. It would be a long time before either would stand in the sunshine, but at least there was a glow on the horizon.

Suddenly, Sara slapped him on the arm." How could you let Greg get my groceries?" she demanded playfully.

"Well, I thought it would be better than letting him decorate your bedroom," he answered with an audible grin.


	13. Ch 13 Final

Trauma

CSI- Yes it is mine! All mine! OK maybe not, a girl can dream, right?

Rating: R

Please R&R

Chapter 13

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months; the months taking them away from an evening in April that changed their lives. Thanksgiving had come and gone; as had Christmas. The starting of a new year had never been as symbolic to Sara or Grissom.

While the kisses and touches had continued, none had been as intense as those first few weeks. It was if, at first, they needed the contact with another, if for no other reason than to prove to them that they were alive.

After shift, it was not unusual for one to be found at the other's home, sometimes with the rest of the graveyard crew, but usually just the two of them.

They were curled up together on her sofa, watching an old movie on cable. She was snuggled up to his side, his arm around her shoulders. When the movie ended, they sat together for a few minutes before untangling and rising for Grissom to leave.

"Thanks again for the breakfast," she murmured, as she held his hand walking him to the door.

"Oh, I know my cooking is the only reason you invite me over," he teased back.

"Man! I've been busted!" she laughed at him.

At the door, he gently stroked her face as he lowered his lips to hers in what was intended to be a sweet, chaste, goodnight kiss. The moment their lips touched, the jolt of electric energy that sparked between them changed the dynamics totally.

Her hands slid up his chest and around his shoulders to meet at his nape and hold him to her. His arms found a resting place at her waist. Hesitantly, he opened his mouth to let his tongue gently prod at her lips, asking, no, begging, for admittance. On a sigh, her lips parted to grant his request. As their tongues lightly touched and danced together, their hands started gently roaming.

Her fingers tangled in his hair, lightly scratching his scalp and gently tugging. His hands brushed over her back and down her arms and back again, not content to still, wanting to feel all of her.

Pulling her lips from his, she trailed her tongue across his jaw and down the side of his neck. She could feel the groan in his throat through her lips. She nipped at his Adam's apple as he swallowed hard.

His hands traveled up her sides to rest at he sides of her breasts. As his mouth claimed hers again, he allowed the thumb of his right hand to stretch out and tenderly brush across her nipple. When she gasped into his mouth, he stopped the movement of his thumb but did not remove it. She leaned into his hand and growled, giving permission to proceed.

Her fingers disengaged from his hair, allowing her hands to dance over his shoulders and back. She could feel the muscles there rippling under her touch as he moved his other hand to cover her breast. As he gently kneaded both breasts in his strong hands, she let her head fall back with a moan. Her eyes closed, and her bottom lip caught between her teeth, Grissom thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

When he flattened out his hands, using the taut palms to tease and harden her sensitive nipples, she rested her forehead on his chest and grabbed his shoulders to hold herself up, as she wasn't sure she could stand on her own.

His breathing, short and raspy, matched her own, and she could feel his heart racing in his chest.

She wanted this. She wanted him. She panicked.

He felt it before she said anything. His hands fell to her hips, and his mouth left hers.

"Well, I guess I'd better go."

"Grissom, I…I'm sorry. I want…I don't know if…" Sara was babbling and she knew it.

"It's OK, honey, really. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed."

"Grissom, why are you here?" she asked quietly.

"Because you asked me over for breakfast, then made me cook." He answered with a grin.

"No, I mean, why are you still here?" At the look on his face, she quickly clarified," I have been even more of a bitch lately to live with, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have… gotten beat up; I can't even have sex with you, even though we both want it."

"I don't want to have sex with you, Sara. I want to make love with you. Not to you, with you."

"Sara, I have wanted you for so many years, I don't know if the hot water even works in my shower." At her blush, he continued, "I have waited this long, I can wait a little longer. And, if it never happens, I'll live. Not happily, but I'll live."

He tenderly brushed a kiss on her forehead, and left, throwing, "I'll see you at work!" over his shoulder as he went.

"Sara," Dr. Grimes asked her favorite patient, " Do you love Dr. Grissom?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Does he love you?"

Though he had never said as much, Sara didn't flinch when she answered, "Yes."

"Now comes the tough question: Do you trust him?"

Sara looked Dr. Grimes in the eyes. The automatic answer pushed down by the sudden realization of what all **trust** entailed. " Yes. Yes, I do." Her face split into a grin those who knew her called her "Grissom Smile".

"Hey, Bugman! Wanna come over to my place after work for breakfast?" She grinned as she stuck her head in Grissom's office.

"Sure."

"How does mushroom omelets sound?"

"Great, since I know you won't be cooking them."

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Very mature, Ms Sidle. Oh, I have a session with Dr. Hademenos at 8:00, I can be there by 9:30."

"That's fine, it gives me a chance to stop by the grocery store and a few other errands. Now, I've got to get to the break room for assignments, you know my boss can be a real grouch when I'm late."

Grissom shook his head and grinned at the sight of Sara bouncing down the hall, flirting with Greg. 'She must have had a good meeting with Dr. Grimes today,' he thought.

Grissom used the key Sara had given him to let himself into her apartment. She was in the kitchen, unloading food from the bags onto the counter.

She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled. "I hope I got everything," she said. It looked like she bought enough to feed the whole night shift for a week.

"Uh… how many people are going to be here? Is there a party you didn't tell me about?" he teased.

"Funny, Bugman. Just for that, I'm not going to help."

"My digestive system thanks you," he said as he ducked a flying dishtowel.

"I'm going to take a quick shower while you get started. I hate going out to the desert for crime scenes; I always feel so gritty after."

"No problem, I'll be fine."

He had fixed enough meals at her place that he knew where all the utensils and pans he needed were. He was as comfortable here as in his own kitchen. She walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a short, lilac terrycloth robe, and poured them both a glass of juice. Setting his on the countertop beside him, she went around the bar to sit on a barstool, content to just watch him.

He moved with a fluid grace one would not expect a man of his size and age to have. They laughed and talked about a myriad of subjects, their unspoken agreement of months before to not talk about work, still enforced.

When Sara rose from her seat and re-entered the kitchen, he thought she was getting a refill on her juice. When she wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, and laid her head on his shoulder blade, he still wasn't surprised, so he took one of her hands in his own and raised it to his lips for a kiss, then squeezed and returned it to its previous resting place.

When she slid her hands up to his chest, and started to kiss across his back, he stopped chopping the vegetables and put down the knife. Her kisses moved up to his neck, and he turned off the gas under the pan he had been heating. When her hands moved down to his hips and then to rest on the front of his thighs, he put is hands on the countertop and leaned into them, hopefully to stop his head from spinning.

His breath was coming in short gasps. His pulse was pounding, he was sure it was visible at the exact spot Sara's lips and tongue were teasing on his throat.

She had untucked his shirt, and was now kissing down his spine.

"Gil, can you hear me?" She whispered.

"Yessssss." He hissed out.

"Make love with me. Please."

Trembling, he turned in her arms, searching her eyes for any fear or doubt. What he found there was desire and trust.

"Honey, are you sure about this?" he asked with a quiver in his voice.

"I need it to be right again. I know that you will make it beautiful again."

"How do you know that?" he asked while stroking her cheek.

"Bugs," she answered simply.

"Huh?"

"I've seen you working timelines with your bugs." At his still questioning look, she continued, "You are always so very tender, careful not to hurt them. You take your time to meticulously measure and catalogue even the most minuscule detail. That leads me to hope that you would pay as much attention to detail in other aspects of your life." During her speech, she never took her eyes from his, but her fingers slowly unbuttoned his shirt, exposing his impressive chest.

"Sara, don't you know that you are more important to me than bugs?" his hand was still on her cheek, but now his lips had joined in taking little kisses and nips all over her face and neck.

"I knew that you cared for me, but I never expected you to admit that!" Even his lust-addled brain registered the teasing in her increasingly husky voice.

Her body couldn't stand it any longer. She grabbed two handfuls of his shirt and jerked him towards her, her mouth assaulting his in a bruising kiss. Her tongue pushed its way through his lips to taste and tease his.

His self-control shattered, and he gave in to the desire that had been building since her invitation of breakfast hours ago. Of their own volition, his powerful arms wrapped around her, almost crushing her body to his, before he gained enough control to hold her gently, if firmly, to his chest.

Hooking two fingers in the belt loops of his pants, she slowly started backing out of the kitchen. His eyes fought to stay closed, but after bumping into a chair, safety demanded he open them to guide their bodies through the maze of her living room and down the hall to her boudoir.

At the door, he planted his feet, and grabbed the frame with trembling hands.

"Sara, I don't want to hurt you, or frighten you in any way."

"I know that, Griss."

"You have to promise to tell me if I do. I will stop AT ANY TIME that you want me to, but you have to tell me. I am not a mind reader." He leaned in for a kiss much more gentle than the one that had gotten them to the doorway.

"I promise, Griss. I trust you. I always have and always will."

She let her hands unhurriedly drift to the front of his pants, stopping only when they reached his belt buckle. Leaning in to lightly run her lips over his chest, she slowly undid the buckle and then the button.

When her tongue flicked over his nipple, he emitted a primal sounding growl and flung his head back. Glancing up at him, she noticed his arms, still braced on the doorframe, shaking so violently she wasn't sure how much longer he could hold himself up.

With a gentle tug from Sara, he released the wood and was once again walking toward her bed.

Oh God, be sure, Sara. PLEASE, be sure! There's not sufficient ice in the Antarctic to make a shower cold enough for this. Am I breathing? I know my heart is beating, I can feel it banging in my chest and I hear my blood rushing in my ears.

I want her so badly I ache. I am throbbing in places I had forgotten could throb. I can't feel enough of her. I need to have her closer. When did I lose my shoes?

Slow down, Gil! You're going to scare her!

I'm trying to slow down! Her lips and hands are NOT helping!

He heard a familiar sound. **What is that?** Then he realized what it was. The familiar rasp of a zipper. His zipper. He felt her hands move to the waist of his boxers. Her fingers left a scorched trail around to the back where they met and then dipped inside to cup his butt.

His hands left her hips to rid himself of his trousers and underwear, leaving him naked before her. He turned to sit on the bed and pulled her to him, to stand between his legs. He grasped the lapels of her robe to guide her face down to his.

As her lips found his, she marveled, once again, at how his hands, so large and strong, could be so incredibly tender. His lips left hers to trail down her jaw to her neck, where he lingered for a while around her collarbone, before continuing his trek down her chest. His tongue followed the neckline of her robe, sending shivers of desire up her spine only to settle somewhere much hotter.

His hands found hers and lifted them to the belt of her robe. He was letting her know that she was in charge. Just how far they would, or would not go, was entirely up to her.

She stepped back and smiled down at him. No hesitation, no bashfulness. She slowly untied her robe. Looking him in the eyes, she slid it off her shoulders to land in a purple puddle at her feet.

He had seen her nude body before, but this time, there were no bruises, there were no…others. There was just…Sara. Wow.

"Come here," he rasped out. He slipped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her abdomen, reveling in the smell and feel of her. " I love you, Sara. And I will do everything in my power to protect you." Suddenly, his face froze.

**Oh, no! He's going to back out now!**

"Protect? Sara, I don't have any protection!"

She chuckled. "Don't worry. I've got it covered, so to speak. That was one of the errands I had to run."

"Good… wait a minute, that means that you were planning on seducing me all night! I don't know if I feel flattered or just used."

She couldn't help but giggle at the look of incredulity on his face. "Yeah, are you complaining?"

"What do I look? Stupid?" He grinned back up at her.

"Cute? Yes. Sexy? Oh, definitely! But stupid? Never."

They laughed as she fell on the bed to join him.

Still wanting her to feel in control of the situation, he pulled her on top of his aroused body. He felt her suddenly freeze in his arms.

"No, Griss, not like this. I feel too… exposed. Would you mind being on top?"

Glad that she hadn't meant what it sounded like at first, he obliged.

"I am here to please," he teased.

"Well, I certainly hope so," she teased back.

Kissing had never elicited such a powerful response for her before, and she was nearing the edge quickly. She had no way of knowing that he was feeling the same. When his knee came between her thighs, she gladly opened for him.

Poised at the entrance to paradise, he stopped.

"Sara, open your eyes. Look at me."

Groggy with desire, her eyes fought to open.

"I want you to know that it is me, not someone else. I need to see me in your eyes. Say my name, Sara. Please, say my name."

"Gil. It has always been you."

As their forces finally joined, she couldn't stop saying his name.

The trauma was over. Let living and loving begin.

fin


End file.
